Tough Conversations at Work: How Great Managers Handle Employee Issues With Respect
Look, we’ve all had to do it – we’ve all had to have awkward and difficult conversations as a part of this job. It’s never fun, and rarely is it easy. But in this career, it must happen sometimes if we want to get free. I have been a part of both sides of the tough conversation before, and here I’ll show you how I’ve been able to keep my cool and calm demeanor while communicating the necessary things that often hurt the other person.
Having a tough conversation with an employee is a lot like throwing up – you don’t want to do it, but after you do it, you feel so glad you did it. Don’t shy away from the conversation. Understand that if you say what needs to be said and do what needs to be done, often times, better things come as a result.
I contribute my first big failure to not having the courage to have a tough conversation with my only assistant manager. I knew that I needed to set expectations that needed to be communicated to her, but I was so fearful of being the only person who could run a shift that I let her get away with anything. Looking back on it, if I had just had the tough conversation with her and prepared myself for the result, I probably would’ve been able to get rid of the stress quickly. In fact, if I had just accepted what would happen if she quit or if I fired her, I would’ve been in a better position even if I worked open to close until I was able to find and train a new shift-runner.
When first starting out a tough conversation, I’ve found it best to just address the awkwardness or difficulty of the conversation. Some managers try to tiptoe around the importance of the talk for the sake of the employee’s emotions and feelings, but I feel that often only hurts the employees more. Instead, what you ought to do is address it outright. When you pull them into the office, say something like, “Look, this is an awkward conversation.” This gets rid of any need to beat around the bush which leaves room for misunderstanding.
The idea is to be blunt enough to be clear but understanding enough to be kind. If you are not clear enough about the point of the conversation, the employee will not understand the gravity of actions or consequences for further inadequacy. There have been times when I’ve thought I’ve communicated my point to an employee in a kind and non-threatening manner, but the employee leaves feeling either like they did nothing wrong and do not feel a need to fix any behavior, or they feel confused enough to not know how to proceed. Therefore, take charge of the conversation and explain where they went wrong and how to fix it.
The fear we have for proceeding to the tough conversation is that we feel we will lose the developed rapport with the crew that we need to have a smooth shift. The problem with this line of thinking is that it values the rapport of friendship over the rapport of respect. If you are too afraid to communicate what you want out of your own store, you will lose that respect that you need, and when it comes time to have these tough conversations, you will only lose the rapport of friendship, leaving you with no rapport at all.
To prevent this, you must make being a “boss” a priority over being a “friend”. This is not to say you can never be friendly with your crew – you definitely should be, but if you invest too much into friendliness, you will lose your status as leader. Then, when it comes time to need a leader, you will not have the authority necessary to make changes effectively, including your tough conversations.
Keep your conversations brief and to-the-point. The employees only need two or three sentences explaining where they went wrong before they understand. You don’t need to overexplain, as this will only lead to the feeling of being lectured instead of corrected. You don’t want to attack their efforts – you only need to help them understand that their performance is not up to standard. Never assume malicious intent.
The time spent in the tough conversation ought to be spent mostly on finding solutions to problems and giving a corrective plan of action. The focus of the conversation ought not be on what’s wrong, but how to fix it. This helps rebuild the employee’s self esteem and worth as a valued member of the crew. It helps show them that you are willing to invest time and energy into them. So long as they respond to that investment, the conversation will be fruitful.
I want to take this time to reiterate a quote I often think about - What you choose to tolerate will only get worse. If you do not address the wound in the restaurant, the wound will only fester, and it soon will infect the rest of the crew. You don’t want to be left with a big mess like that, because a “tough conversation” will be what your own boss will be having with you.
A lot of the times, we avoid giving these tough conversations, because we think, “Who am I to judge someone else’s behavior? Just because I don’t like something doesn’t mean I ought to say something.” You are a manager for a reason. Your bosses trust your intuition, so you ought to push your preferred way as the way things ought to be done. If you don’t like something, say something quickly. The reason most tough conversations happen is because a problem has already been allowed for too long. You can choose to be seen as nit-picky or someone who blows up often. It’s better to be nit-picky. Your crew will not hate you for it, and most will actually develop respect for you. If they do become frustrated with the expectations, it’s time to let them go. In the end, this store runs how you want it to, so don’t be afraid these tough conversations.